Monday, September 9, 2013

The Paranoid Mother: Life with a Newborn

I've always been pretty stoked about motherhood. I went through phases during my pregnancy and even in the first few days of Evelyn's life that I was concerned I wasn't going to be a good enough mother. But I chalk that up to hormones. But I could have never imagined what a paranoid mother I would be. In fact, Chris makes fun of me for it. But can you blame me? Babies are tiny and frail and look like they could break if you breath on them too hard. So for your enjoyment and future study I give you:

6 things a new mother is paranoid about

1. Driving in the car (as opposed to driving in the what?? good one Jocelyn).

I am always positive that some idiot next to me or behind me or in front of me or three lanes over from me is going to lose their mind or have a seizure or try driving blind folded and run into me and kill my baby. Or me and leave my baby and husband stranded. This is especially nerve wracking driving in Utah.

2. Letting anyone else hold her

Obviously we've had a lot of visitors since Evie was born. People want to see this cute little baby. While I love my friends and family who come to visit, I have to very carefully hide my distrust. Most of me knows that I watched them wash their hands and they're not going to drop her. But there's that little part of me that's like, "Ok, your turn is over, give her back," after like 2.5 seconds. I don't know exactly what I'm afraid of, but I'm her mother and she needs her mother all the time.

3. Setting her down. Ever.

For the first few days someone was holding Evie 24/7. Almost literally. I was afraid to let her out of my sight. She was so brand new to this world that I thought she would feel scared and abandoned if I set her down or someone wasn't cuddling her. I've gotten over this. For the most part.

4. Accidentally breaking her.

Newborns are so tiny and seemingly frail. Every time I get her dressed I'm a little afraid I'm going to yank her arm off. Or when I'm trying to turn her head so her face isn't smashed into my shoulder I get a little nervous that I'll break her neck. It's terrifying.

5. Her bodily functions.

Is she having enough wet vs. dirty diapers? Is she eating enough? Did she burp enough? Who knows the answer to this never ending pile of questions??

6. Breathing.

Evie sleeps A LOT. Roughly 6-8 times today I have to check and make sure she is still breathing. It's really easy to feel her breath by putting my finger under her nose, but sometimes I can't. If that's the case I put my hand on her belly to feel it rise and fall. If all else fails I wake her up. No joke. SIDS is real people.

So get prepared all you soon to be's a weird thing being so completely concerned about someone other than yourself. I finally understand to a degree how much my mom loves me.

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